In a recent conversation, I was asked why I have a fixation on AI Art, and not for the first time. Like all fixations, it will fade with time, but for now, I am captivated. The idea of having art generated based on text was immediately intriguing. However, the idea of throwing difficult text into the generator, that does not always have a visual element, and to just see what would come of it has brought a new kind of wonder to my world.
Soon, this technology will be commonplace and taken for granted. For now, I am getting to explore an art experience at its infancy. As they keep refining and redeveloping the models, I am getting to experience the changes. I get to challenge the system in whatever way appeals to me on a given day. If I were to given an artist a piece of paper with only the text, "OCD,MDD,ADHD,CycD," I do not think it would be reasonable to expect the artist to come up with something if they do not experience any of these. Beyond that, the results are near immediate. I submit the same prompts over and over and am always given a result. This is what the AI generated on one iteration of that prompt.
When I take the prompts and submit them repeatedly and collect the iterations, I can have fun comparing the data. Evaluate it. Enjoy it. Now that I have been doing it for over a year at this point, I have hundreds of unique and wonderful images. Things that would have otherwise never have come to exist, had I not been persistent in an endeavor seen as pointless by most.
Even the reward of the images, the data, or the contemplation likely seem like meaningless rewards to most people. We must find our happiness in life. The images often inspire me to write. Whether my writing is considered useful or meaningful in any way is debatable, but I value it over absorbing media. If someone spends several hours watching a TV show, the News, TikTok, Facebook, or any of the innumerable distractions available to us, is that better? I won't say it is better or worse, but I will say that those are the most common uses of free time in this country, and no one who engages in them has much merit to question how others spend some free time.
It sometimes feels like a situation of just being an "other" or an outsider. Not fitting into larger groups, or at least not seeming to. Not getting joy where others think I should get joy. In my experience, it seems to sometimes genuinely bother people, which I do not quite grasp.
Here is an interesting realization I had: Jim - You don't watch Game of Thrones? How could you not watch it? Me - I just don't enjoy it, so I don't want to spend my time that way. Jim - Well, what do you do? Me - I like taking close up photos of bugs and plants. You should try it sometime. Jim - No, that stuff doesn't interest me. Okay, well either we're both giving a good reason or we're both not giving a good reason.
The only difference between the two is that Jim's use of time is common, while my use of time is uncommon. I recently had a situation where I was being encouraged to watch a movie, by more than one person who are close to me and know me well. I said simply I did not want to. This was not accepted. So I explained several reasons I did not want to. This was not accepted. It became nearly an argument simply because I did not want to watch a movie, and it stressed me out. I've seen a lot of movies. It rarely comes up. Had I watched it, I don't believe one grain of sand would have shifted on Earth. It is trivial. I'm not certain that anyone involved in that interaction, which was only about a month or two ago, could say what the name of the movie I didn't want to watch was. I understand wanting to share something you enjoy, but in my life the things I share are rarely appreciated by others. If I say to someone, "Do you want to look at some cool pictures I took of rocks!?" There is a good chance they'll say no. That would pretty much be the end of it. To try to peer pressure them into a few hours of looking at rocks would seem odd. For that reason, I struggle to understand it when it happens to me. Society has pushed everyone to speak up. If something bothers you, let others know. Don't allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Don't submit to peer pressure.
Well, now that society has managed to get that part down, at what point should the goal shift to getting people to actually listen?
"Do what makes you happy! Pursue your goals!.... Wait... No. Not like that."
For the last several years, and really most of my life, people have been telling me that I am "different." People make sure to be clear that it is not "bad." However, many of those same people are surprised and irritated when it becomes apparent. Effectively, I have been successfully convinced I am an outsider. However, I have not been successfully convinced anyone accepts it. As a person with a couple mental disorders, it reminds me of a quote I saw about how "People are accepting of those with mental illness, up until symptoms are expressed."
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