Catharsis: "the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions." Many of the ideas that I submit to Deep Dream's text prompt and to this blog are done for that reason. I struggle with a thought. Articulate it as best I can. Then, I evaluate the results. Often, it seems to bring me some peace, or at least lets me move on.
Introspection is required to make any progress with mental health.
The process can begin with identification of a problem. A common indicator for a problem is the social reaction of those around you. If you keep getting a response you do not like, then you have to figure out what you are doing that keeps producing that result. Another indicator is when you struggle to complete daily tasks or larger tasks because something is overwhelming your mind and interfering with progress.
There are two main techniques used to fight these problems. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: "Cognitive behavioral therapy is a psycho-social intervention that aims to reduce symptoms of various mental health conditions, primarily depression and anxiety disorders. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most effective means of treatment for substance abuse and co-occurring mental health disorders." Wikipedia Exposure Response (Ritual) Prevention: "Exposure and Response Prevention refers to practicing confronting the thoughts, images, objects, and situations that make you anxious & provoke obsessions." International OCD Foundation.
I can engage in techniques learned from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or from Exposure Response Prevention, but that doesn't change how I truly think. I can reframe my thoughts and recognize more quickly that the default path is irrational. This, in turn, makes it easier to adjust the related behavior. What if neither seems to be able to help? It is difficult to move on when you identify the problem, but cannot see a path to change it. In some instances, the management of the behavior is enough, even if my brain cannot stop jumping to the same irrational conclusions. In other instances, the rigidity of the rules my mind has created are so strict that changing my behavior would feel like an intentional act of malice.
As an example: Omission has been firmly evaluated as lying in my own mind. The result can be what is referred to as "confession OCD." This is a characteristic of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder where the act of confessing information is the compulsion. I will feel compelled to give information to another person fearing that I will wrong them by lying by omission. The only way to alleviate the anxiety is to act on the compulsion. In general, it seems that no one wants or cares about the information confessed. I am just inadvertently bothering other people. So, I worked to curtail that behavior. I also learned to recognize that the information I generally wanted to share was not only inconsequential to those I would share it with, but irrationally judged for morality when it was neutral. Looking at some interactions in hindsight, it often seemed that the person was confused as to why I was telling them the information. This caused further stress because I was obtaining no reassurance on the matter. Confession OCD tendencies have, at times, made me feel compulsions to confess things that were not even true. While working on introspection and therapy, I began to evaluate why I would occasionally engage in this behavior. It seems a bit counterintuitive to confess a lie, out of compulsive concern to avoid lying. Dwelling on relevant instances, it seems I engaged in this behavior when I believed that someone incorrectly believed me to be a good person. I could only think that I must have tricked them. If they believe this, then it is because I have deceived them. So, a lie that would negatively adjust someone's view of me was seen less as an independent lie, but more of a correction for the error, therefore, a means to an end.
Working on these problems it became apparent that I could adjust my behavior and stress associated, but I could not adjust how I thought about these things. It is just the way my mind processes things. I still struggle with feeling that I am acting against what I believe is right by resisting engagement in the compulsion, therefore, I feel like a bad person.
I was progressing, as far as it was outwardly apparent, but I did not feel like I was winning the battle inside my own mind. While I have only laid out one example, this idea carries throughout my struggle. I needed something more to go along with the outward progress. If I ruminate internally, but resist compulsions, that is not really a success as my life is still disordered and interrupted.
I have had success throughout life with using art and writing for catharsis, but it had not really occurred to me to use them as tools targeting these specific issues. I never really wanted to write about my mental health or make art related to it as I was not interested in making my vulnerability available for criticism. I could imagine many bad outcomes, but I could not imagine any positive outcomes.
At some point I began to try it. Likely, the credit goes to my therapist, who probably encouraged me to. I found that using these outlets does help me. If I can articulate the thought in writing or if I can produce art that I feel is evocative, I feel as if I can set it down, at least for a while. I have not solved or resolved the issues, but at least I have found another tool to lighten my load.
If you find yourself ruminating on something, it may be worth the effort to try and get it out in some way. I think writing can be very beneficial for anyone. Even if you never want what you write to be shared, write it as if you are trying to make someone else understand you. The process of clarifying an idea so that a reader would understand it can help you clarify the thoughts in your own head. This process may even help you mentally resolve the issue you are struggling with.
